Citation :
IT’S TIME FOR IDOL SCHOOL…STAT!
Dr. Gregory House…have you seen Ryan? Ryan? Ryan who? Seacrest. Ryan Seacrest. Who the heck is Ryan Seacrest? You know, Doctor, the guy that has the star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame – the guy who hosts Idol! Ohhhh, the kid that’s on before my show? Yeah, that’s him! Naaa, I haven’t seen him. Well if you see Ryan, Doctor House, tell him 40 million people are looking for him. What does that kid look like again? Well, he used to look like…Ryan…but tonight, Dr. House, Ryan looks like YOU! Oh THAT kid! Yeah I’ve seen him! He’s down the hall with the other three – they’re all sitting in the Principal’s office at Hollywood High. Thanks, Doctor House!
Well, well, well…look who we have here – our panel of judges. All sent to the Principal’s Office. Busted! SEE what happens when the Mice don’t talk Nice? You can’t act like that on national television and expect people not to notice. Everyone on the street was talking about it. And, they talked about it all week long, too! I see you three needed to go over some rules we learned in Kindergarten:
Number One: Share everything. And know when NOT to share everything.
Number Two: Don’t hit people. Via hand OR mouth. It’s not nice!
Number Three: Play Fair. And Judge Fair! Don’t laugh, slur, or heckle at the contestants when you boot them off.
Number Four: Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody. This might be way over your heads…let’s just move to Number Five…
Number Five: FLUSH.
Ryan, let’s introduce the Trio tonight, shall we?
The Dawg was sitting straight – looking mighty fine with his signature button down and compass strapped to his wrist – this one had lots of diamonds all the way around, too! Dawg, how many do you have?
The Diva – You were sitting pretty…Just like Mary Poppins - “Practically perfect in every way.”
Simon the Great – a proper ‘ol chap he was – ouch – he was even smiling nice for the camera!
First up…
Princess P…better known simply as…Paris. Honestly, I think she snuck into the Diva’s jewelry box last night. She had on every piece of dangle known to man-kind. But, she took on Miami Sound Machine and I thought handled it well. Didn’t you think that? She has so much bounce in her step and oomph in her delivery - I can’t understand what she got slammed for! The Dawg started it off with, “Yo Yo Yo…what’s going down?” Which means only one thing…you’re going down with what I’m about to say. The Diva – I have no idea WHAT she was talking about – she was so into making sense, it was nonsense! Simon the Great slapped the Princess with, “I think you’re feeling your nerves. Vocally it was just okay.” Just okay? Am I alone here, people? That girl never looks like nerves get a hold of her – she’s always having so much fun! My 2 cents: She cranked it out!!
Lisa - our Jimi Hendrix Girl! No Trix from Tucker…just Treats! Lisa’s pulling stuff out of her magic bag! Gotta watch this one! And let me tell you something right now...Jimi was known for his dazzling showmanship. And Idol fans – Tuckerix is doing the same thang! This girl rocks for 16 years under her electric guitar belt. Loved the flat iron - nice new touch – shows America a different side. Choice of song – again…I thought it was dead on the money! “Here’s who I am. Love me and we’ll make it through. I’m counting on you”…And I think you can count on us, Tuckerix! But not the Dawg – can’t count on him. He slammed her with “I want you to slay it” and Simon thought she was disconnected. Tuckerix – disconnected? Let’s see how America voted. I say you stay!
The connection was right on. The dial ups will show you that Thursday night!
Sweet Melissa – Ohhhhhh… our soccer mom didn’t look so sweet last night! Mel came out and told us about her racing days back with the boys. Yes, she handled Heart well, but I’m still seeing the Windstar at the starting line, people, not Mustang Sally! The Trio delivered a solemn sermon - they were so serious last night! YIKES! Lighten up!!! The Dawg very calmly said, “That was a good song choice.” The Diva had her turn at the mic and with conviction delivered, “Each week you are improving. You are a powerhouse.” But Simon the Great is in the jumper seat with Mrs. Jones on this one, “I think you booked your plane ticket home.” Yep, I agree…the stick shift is heading in one direction – Reverse – right back to Tampa. Oh and Mel one more thing…When you’re back with the boys…Race the strip. Not the street.
Kinnik – first things first – how cool was that belt!!! That leather gets a “10!” See…Ms. Sky’s got style. She really does. She reminds me of….of…..what’s her name….oh damn what was her name? See what happens when a new season starts, people! OMG – WHAT was her name!!! The poised, thin beauty from last season, but when she sang her face got twisted. OMG – I’m blank…………………..Time to pull out American Idol the Magazine! NADIA TURNER! Now I forgot my point! OH!!!! Nadia had a lot of style…she really did. Ms. Sky’s in the same row-boat. But the style isn’t gong to carry her. America isn’t going to go ‘hog (damn…she eats those things?) wild’ over her performance last night and that means one thing and one thing only, “I Ain’t Got You.” You’re right – “I don’t think you Got Us.” “Gray “Skys” aren’t going to clear up.”
Another plane ticket was booked via Simon the Great’s Corporate Card.
Which brings us to…Katherine McFever. Big problem…The McFever has no McSoul and…you cannot bring home the Queen of Soul’s, THINK, without it! I thought the McJudges threw way too many McProps to McFever for that performance! Yes, she did a good job, but no she did not McNail it. The backup singers McNailed it! I was grooving with them! McParis was getting down on the cruise ship deck in a huge McWay! She had it going on up there! The Dawg got the McPound all riled up and said, “We got a hot one tonight!” The Diva gave some advice and took some while she dished it out, “it’s a different side we haven’t seen.” (Exactly Diva - that’s what we were just thinking about you!) Simon the McGreat definitely has no McSoul so that’s where the “McNice” came from. Come on, people…THINK about it!!!!
Ayla …Last night I have to say…Brown did not Slam-Dunk “Unwritten.” I thought she was “reaching for something in the distance” …but whatever it was, I do not know! Brown, listen up: Natasha Bedingfield has a very unique handle on that song. I was with The Dawg all the way last night, “Yo Yo man, get your hoop on.” No, not that part…this part, “The 5 note range is not for you.” I agree, Dawg. The Diva was self reflecting again, “You fight the fight.” Huh????????? And Simon the Great blew the whistle on Brown, but he didn’t bench her…”Good, but not fantastic.” Here’s a little fashion tip for the Six-Foot-Threes…No Capris! They look ridiculous!
And then…Number Seven said to America, “Listen up!!!” Listen up??? We’re getting up!!! Now THIS woman has soul !!!! Chaka Khan’s, “I’m Every Woman” was cranked when Mandisa belted that tune out. “I ain’t braggin’ cause I’m the one…” And Lady, you sure are! I know you called yourself Fabulous And Thick, but you got it spelled all wrong! Last night – your soulful singing was PHAT! Mandisa, you ROCKED! There’s trouble-a-brewing! Simon the Great hit it dead on: You are in a different league. Brilliant!” The Dawg threw props and said, “Best vocal!” The Diva agreed, “Awesome!” Thank you for voting for contestant # 07 – DONE!
And last night Idol went out with a BANG! To close the show - Miss Kellie. I said it last week and I’m saying it again, “I am not buying the ‘I’m a naive green minx machine.’” The Dawg bought it though, “Great song choice - Great job.” So did The Diva, “You got your groove on. Guys are in love with you.” (What guys?) And from the Throne came The Wrath of Simon…he started smiling, laughing and said, “You’re naughty and it stinks.” That would be about right for Simon, right? Oh wait!!! Simon didn’t say “stinks,” Simon said, “Minx!” Now this is a horse of a different color, my WMQ friends! Let’s address this Minx, shall we? Back to the top of the WMQ and back to school we go…but… no where near Kindergarten! Here we go…there are many minx. Minx shoes, minx movies, minx models, minx clothes…and minx mistresses. So Simon…I ask you this, dear chap. Where did your “naughty minx” comment fall? Which group? A) Naughty shoes B) Naughty movies C) Naughty models D) Naughty clothes C) Naughty mistresses or D) all of the above? Care to take the test, WMQ Fans?
The Message Board is UP! Finish the WMQ and click on over
- you tell me what you think!
This Minx Stinks, for sure! But WAIT…there was more…it got worse!
Honestly, the “Below the Belt” quote of the night was simply this:
“ I kind of prefer you to last year’s winner, actually…I do.”
Which brings us back to the top of the WMQ…AGAIN!
Number One: Share everything. And know when NOT to share everything.
Number Two: Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody. Last year’s winner is waiting for your apology, Simon.
Number Three: FLUSH!
DONE !!!!!!
source: Mrs Jones on Idol
http://www.mrsjonesonidol.com/wmqs/march0806.html